Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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