I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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