yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
