we made out on top of his cat.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
only if we run a train.
done.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
