They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
