I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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