I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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