My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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