if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
