Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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