I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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