tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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