I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize