was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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