Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
