Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina is very pro this idea
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
