Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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