Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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