And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
