Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
