her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
