i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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