So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
