...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
