i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
