omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
