I just pynch a tree in the face
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
