Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
