I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
