hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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