He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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