so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
