I think I died a long time ago.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
