So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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