dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
