trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
