You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
