They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
