Don't you send me to vm
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
