I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
