Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize