Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
