I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would fuck him just for his dog
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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