i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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