hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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