Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
