i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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