D3 body, D1 cock
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
