the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
