the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
