He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
