Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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