closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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