Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize