I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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