just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
