my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Four minutes until I can fart!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
