it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
