Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
