Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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