Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
