You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
