I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
