I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize