That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
