VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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