is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The dick lei will go down in squad history
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You are a genius and a whore.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize