I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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