When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
