that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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