i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
