Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
