I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
