my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
