I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
