I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
