Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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