who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
