If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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