we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
