North Korea, Best Korea!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
