Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
