I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
