we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
