He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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