I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
MIDGETS
????
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
