No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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