he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize