Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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