Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
