you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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