I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
