Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
