I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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