Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The feeling are messing with the penis
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
