I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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